Dear Shane,
When we turned two yesterday, I woke up with the intention of telling you many things. As always, this day was also a big deal to me although you constantly insisted on calling it "just another day of being together and being happy".
On New Year's day of 2015, when I shared my excitement of it being the year when we finally start our life together ("this year, all our dreams will come true", I had said), you called it "just another day". To this day, I remember where I was standing and what I was doing. I was about to get onto my bus for work and I got so mad at you for trivializing my excitement that I hung up on you and refused to speak to you for hours.
And yesterday, as I sat across from you at brunch with the intention of telling you things, of evaluating the time we've been together and discussing things we'd like to go back and tell our younger selves, you trivialized my excitement once again. You sat across from me, and made faces at me.
Time and again, you distracted me by making me laugh out a little too loudly and inappropriately for the fancy brunch venue you'd picked out for us because I'd forced you to surprise me. And I realised that yesterday was truly just another day of being together and being happy.
Yesterday, I snorted with a beverage still in my mouth, I laughed so hard that some of the food in my mouth fell back onto the plate (my father must be so disappointed in me), I ordered a cheese platter for dessert and you made the calculated choice of ordering the pannacotta which you hate and I love because you were sure that we'd end up swapping desserts. It was the sunniest day in Edinburgh and you whined about the heat throughout. You whined throughout our walk to the bookstore because the sun was in your face. And once we got to the bookstore, you showed off your superior knowledge on things I should be knowing more than you. As always, that pissed me off. You gagged inside a Lush store because the smell was too overpowering and you cried a little when I picked out a facemask that I'll be applying on your face too. You stopped in front of a milkshake place, a cookie store, and a boutique cupcake store but you decided that you were too full to even think about food. On our way home, we talked about very difficult life choices - do we go to the pub and get drinks now or do we buy wine and cheese to stay at home and watch our new favourite show. Again, we decided that we were too full to even think about food and drinks. On returning home, you took off your socks while you were still standing up and ended up injuring your weak knee pretty bad. You spent the rest of the evening not being able to move your right leg while I sat beside you applying ice to it and hyperventilating on the possibility of you not walking again.
Yesterday was nothing special. It was just another day of being together and being happy. And for a change, I get it. I fully embrace your take on it as I'm sure you will mine. So since you successfully managed to distract me from all the introspection and talking that I wanted to do yesterday, I'm going to go ahead and do what I do best - write about it. You might read this now, or you might read it a few years from now. Either way, I'm sure you will read this at some point and maybe even appreciate everything I have to say?
This was our year of growing up. We stopped being irresponsible kids who were high on the mere possibility of being able to live together and started acting a little...adulty.
We started feeding ourselves properly. Up until October of last year, we were living like cavemen - we went out hunting for food when we felt hungry and that was that. But now, we eat good home cooked meals at regular intervals and put in some effort into staying alive.
We started caring for our bodies. It's not too surprising that I did it, but you did too. You even started checking your weight and calorie intake regularly and...lifting weights. Whaaaaaaaa-?
We paid off our loan. This is CRAAAAZY! Not a day went by when I didn't regret that stupid loan we took to pay for a stupid party we wanted to host for our stupid wedding. It was on this very day, two years ago. It was mostly my decision to do it and you know how that's topmost on my list of 'Things to Undo when I Travel Back in Time'. Stupid, stupid, STUPID! You mostly live without regrets so you find a way to look at that stupid party and smile about everything that happened. I think you manage to smile because you were so drunk out of your mind that you weren't around for the most part. People leaving the party would come to me and say, "We'd like to wish you all the very best for your future. By the way, where's the groom?" and I'd say, "Oh, he's just seeing someone off" which was code for "he's got his face stuck in the toilet because he's puking his guts off because he drank every single one of the alcoholic beverages in the open bar because he's paying for it so why not?"
Okay, fine. I did smile while typing that out. Maybe some day, I'll look back at the stupid loan and smile too. Maybe some day, it'll not be on my list of things to undo when I time travel to the past. But for now, I'm satisfied with the adulting we've been doing in this year of our marriage, and I'm proud of us for having cut short a three-year loan into two. We did it. We reached our goal and I'm proud of us.
We travelled a fair bit. Not as much as either of us would like to but we did make things happen. Now that the loan's out of the way, we can start seeing more of the places we always wanted to. But all said and done, I hold our time in Cairngorms National Park, Greece, Galloway Forest Park, Brighton, Birmingham, and the Lake District very close to my heart. Also, just letting you know that we're going to hold on tight to our friends Ser and Lady Campsalot. Just look at that list from our one year of travel and count the number of times we travelled with them. I say they're a brilliant influence.
You're less messy now. And NAGGING WORKS! You put dirty clothes in the laundry, don't leave socks lying around the house, take dirty dishes to the kitchen, don't bite and leave nails on counters, and actually remember to use shower gel during your 30-minute shower stints. Okay, you know what? You don't deserve so much credit. Just yesterday, your stupid stormtrooper socks photobombed my selfie. You do most of those things most of the time, I'll give you that. But the point is, there's a massive improvement and NAGGING WORKS.
I'm less of a mess now. This is something you've been cunningly rewarding me for from time to time and for all you know, I might prove to be a very good and loyal puppy. But I've been noticing too how sometimes when I see things that used to make me FLIP OUT in the past, I just let them go these days. I just do the 'shrug and meh' and move on with my life. I make more logical arguments where I used to get emotional, and completely ignore people and circumstances if I feel they're not worth my time. It's such a new sensation for me to realise that - WHAT? I can actually not care or react and move on? That was always an option? What else can I do? The possibilities, they are endless! I'm a lot calmer now and maybe even slowly turning into you. And I love it!
What I'm trying to say is, with every passing day, we seem to be making progress in one way or the other. In one area or the other. We do it individually and as a team. On some days, we're a superb team and can take over the world. On others, there are no two less compatible people in this world, living under the same roof. On some days, I'm my best self while you're at your lowest and on others, I've refused to get out of bed while you put out fire after fire at work and home like a champ. But at the end of each day, we've been making progress - both individually and as a team.
I may not have been able to whisper sweet nothings to you all day yesterday but I did make promises in the last six minutes of our anniversary last night. And my promises were along the same lines - we're making progress. We're on it.
I almost want to say that I can't wait to find out what this year of our life together has in store for us, that I can't wait to find out what I'll write on our anniversary next year. But I think right now is pretty good and there's nothing right now that "I can't wait" to get out of. So here's how I'll put it - it'll be fun to find out what this year of our lives has in store for us, but for now, I'll just say that today is just another day of being together and being happy.
Love,
Monki