"I need you to sit down right now."
"Because we need to talk."
"You did this, that and that, blah blah and bleh. Not cool. Not appreciated. I need you to stop doing all of those things because blah blee bloo."
*after a long pause*
"You do realise that even when I'm sitting and you're standing, I'm still kind of taller than you right?"
"YOU'RE SITTING ON A TALL CHAIR FUCK YOU SHANE!"
During a walk while I was on his right side:
"And then, blah blah blah. And then, more blah. Are you listening?"
*looks to his right and then straight ahead without responding*
"It would be NICE if you acknowledged the fact that I was talking to you."
"Oh shit, I didn't see you when I looked to the side that your voice was coming from. How's the weather down there?"
More short jokes for you.