If you're also one of those people who secretly take online quizzes to find out who you were in your past life, you're totally going to get what I'm talking about. The other day, in one of my many WhatsApp groups, someone shared a lengthy-ass forward message that had something to do with your birthday and the tree you are as a result of your birthday and the kind of person you are as a result of the tree. Just normal 90's kids' stuff.
And although my body has been trained over time to automatically avert its gaze the minute something like this lands in my inbox (lest it asks me to share the message with ten other people to prevent Jesus from getting really, really mad at me), I squinted a bit to read the text while pretending as if I wasn't. Not that anyone else was around but you never know. Jesus could be hangin' out on the couch, especially when you're reading lengthy forward messages. And then if you choose to ignore the bit about forwarding it to ten people, things could get awkard on the couch.
Anyway, as it turned out, the kind of person I was as a result of my tree was pretty fuckin' accurate. So I tested that theory with Shane's birthday, followed by my parents' and Meenal's. Thank God I'm not a scientist because experimenting on just four specimens is all it takes for me to arrive at a happy conclusion. Shane later pointed out that on top of that, I'm easily satisfied as long as about three of the twelve boxes are ticked in the description. Yep, not scientist material at all. But I guess I'd already established that by failing all my science classes since ninth grade and not really giving a rat's arse about it.
But coming back to the miracle that had just landed in my inbox, I thought that forward message was the Gospel of Truth (I'm sure Jesus was nodding his head in approval from my couch) and I even shared it with Meenal for some bonus Jesus-brownie-points.
She responded with "I'm totally sexually orientated" (which I did not have to know) followed by "Lol your description says does not forgive". And just like that she, a doctor, a sciency person, was won over to
dark light, bright, and divine side too.
Now, you must be thinking that I'm insane. First, I come to you talking about woo-woo, and now, I'm a believer in the power of forward messages and tree personalities. For all you know, I could be sitting in a tiny room, choking on incense, meditating, doing yoga, and smoking weed, all at once. But here's the deal. I was raised on crazier shit. And a lot of people reading this blog can relate to that kind of crazy in some form or the other. For example, if you've ever even heard that a woman on her period should not enter a place of worship, you understand the language of crazy. So I'm allowed these occasional eccentricities.
And now to get to the point of this blog post.
What's that I hear?
Complete silence due to a total lack of surprise in the fact that 500 words in, I've not even brushed upon the point?
I wouldn't dare to expect any less of ye, my faithful readers.
So coming to the point, en.testony.com is the real deal. Now scroll up and read the first line of this post and do the "Oooooh, it all makes sense now" thing. I'll wait.
TestOny - It's the real deal. It's a little bit of a hit and miss but some of their personality quizzes can actually capture you almost as accurately as the birthday tree thing.
For example, I was told that my life would look exactly the same in the next five years unless I actively did something to change it because I'm too much of a creature of habit.
This made me go back and evaluate my life to figure out what all I wanted to change about it. And it was so hard to come up with at least three things. And suddenly, I realised that this quiz was also a Gospel of Truth - that chances are, except for those three things, not much is going to change in the next five years unless I actively choose change or something drastic happens (like God Distroy World Today).
I can't predict the future so the latter remains a possibility but the chances of the former happening are slim. I wake up at exactly the same time every day, I write at the same time, I have specific activities planned out for certain days of the week which also includes, *drumroll* socializing with friends. Friday is the day I talk to other people and I go all out by spending at least five hours in the company of friends. Saturday is the day to hang out with one extra person like The Bromance, and Sunday is the day to recover from the fatigue of social interactions and clean my surroundings as if I'm cleansing my soul.
I don't know many people like me who go on holidays, even weekend getaways, and end up being more excited about returning home, unpacking and putting things back in order.
And I wouldn't have realised aaalllll this and you wouldn't have wasted your time reading about absolutely nothing, had it not been for en.testony.com
Which is why I mentioned earlier that it's the real deal. We all have that website to thank for whatever this is, and for making me contemplate whether or not I should write about Saraha next.