The time we accidentally ended up at an ISIS training camp

Nope, I'm not a terrorist. Although Ankita was always one. She terrorizes me and every child she comes across. While it's always fun to talk about how she makes faces at kids in an attempt to make them cry, I think it's more important to explain how we ended up in an abandoned ISIS training camp.

So, during our recent trip to Kerala, my side of the family took us on an impromptu trip to a hill station called Vagamon to do some wild "glamping". The experience was more wild than glamping. Our hosts took us on a 15-minute drive to the middle of nowhere in their off-road vehicle where they had set up tents on the top of a beautiful misty hilltop.

An isolated hilltop.

I mean, here you see my mum and aunt enjoying the scenery.

But in reality, they were pretty far removed from the camp.

A giant bird could have picked them up and disappeared into that beautiful scenery and I doubt we would have even noticed.

After a little exploration of the surrounding areas, I saw the most beautiful sunset as the mist rolled in.

And a hillside completely covered in cow dung.

Which was fortunate because I was now more comfortable with the idea of pooping in the wild among a sea of cow dung because a 15-minute off-road car ride was not an option when nature called.

Alert: Ankita forced me to write this to let you know that I did not, in fact, poop in the woods.

Here you have my parents smiling the kind of smiles you smile when you have one foot in a pile of cow dung.

And here's my uncle with his kids and my dad, warding off giant birds with his beer belly.

Later that night, our hosts returned to help us set up a bonfire and a barbecue.

At which point they started telling us the story of how this very hilltop that our tents were set up on was where ISIS had previously set up camp to train a bunch of recruits a few months ago. Which honestly felt like something we should have been warned about sometime before we had rented out the place.

Apparently, ISIS taught their recruits how to shoot firearms, throw grenades, and plant mines right there at the isolated hilltop because there was no civilization around for miles. All of this information made my easily excitable dumb-shit wife super anxious.

And she slowly crawled back into our tent.

So, once we had called it a night, my anxious wife tossed and turned for a bit until she asked me -

"So, if ISIS comes back tonight, will they spare us?"


"You mean they won't let us go even if we begged and promised not to tell?"

"Oh no. They would most definitely kill us."

"Will we die quickly, though?"

"Oh yes, just a couple of bullets would do it."

At which she promptly fell asleep. Or passed out, I wouldn't know. Patayto-potahto.