Man-child vs Werewolf

Remember this post where I admitted to being a horrible human being told you about a certain after-shave balm that I bought for Shane? Remember what I said about his new found love for shaving his beard every once in a while? No no no, you don't have to go back and check. I'll tell you what I said.

The Husband had started shaving recently (let's see how long that phase lasts)

I wrote that post back when I still used to refer to him as 'The Husband' on this blog.

To be specific, I wrote it on 02 November, 2016. That's THREE months ago and he still hasn't grown out of the shaving phase.

This is a record, guys. Because Shane doesn't have a very good attention span. In fact, he doesn't have an attention span. He doesn't have habits in general because every day is different in his life. We're talking about a guy who takes an hour long shower but still forgets to apply shower gel on his body. Yep, I'm going to let that sink in. This morning, for example, he was in the shower at 8:30 a.m and got out only at 9:45. While I was getting breakfast ready and texting The Bromance in our group chat, Shane replied from the shower. I don't even want to know how or why he did that. But it is a fact that on many occasions, he's taken 90-minute showers, only to come out and realise that he'd forgotten to apply soap. Remind me again why I willingly choose to live with this filthy man-child?

So my point is, he doesn't form habits or continue to do something for extended periods of time. This shaving thing, though, seems to have stuck and I'm not so sure I like that. You see, before (and by that I mean for the majority of the time I have known and loved him), he only used to trim his beard every few weeks because he was a lazy piece of shit. That worked out just fine for me because a) I find men with beards sexy af and b) HE DIDN'T HAVE STUBBLES.

But now, he has sharp stubbles that disfigure my face every time he cuddles up to me. Remember Emily? Sam's girlfriend from the Twilight series? Umm yeah, I was that teenager who read the entire Twilight series and fantasized about having a werewolf for a boyfriend. Not a vampire, but a werewolf. Careful what you wish for, girls. Anyway, remember how she had a gash on her face because Sam got angry and turned into a werewolf while in close proximity to her? Why am I explaining this?

But I'm serious. Especially now that he knows how much I hate his stubbles, he makes it a point to be extra annoying with me. He cuddles extra just so that he can rub his face against my cheeks. I'm not even kidding when I say that my cheeks turn red and actually hurt when I wash my face. And anyone who's been reading this blog for a while knows that he is hairy. He's Mane Girish. So I wouldn't be exaggerating too much if I said that his beard starts growing back within an hour of shaving. And most of the time, we wake up the next morning and it's like he never shaved in the first place. I don't even see the point of shaving, especially since I've been undergoing stubble-torture for some time now.

So recently when he started the torture, I said, "There's a thin line between adorable and annoying."

"There is? I can't see that line because I'm not wearing my glasses."

"You need to stop. I appreciate the cuddles and kissies but stop with the stubbles. They hurt. Stop annoying me."

So he got up to leave and when I asked him where he was going he said,

"I'm going to go kill myself because it's the only way I can stop annoying you."

Seriously, remind me again why I willingly choose to live with this man-child?