Conversation between me and a childhood friend of The Bromance when he (The Bromance) dropped his phone on the floor and started whining about a tiny scratch on the screen:
Childhood friend: "I've heard that if you stare at it for long enough, the scratch will disappear."
Me: "Oh, I thought the trick was to rub it on the owner's bald spot for some time."
Childhood friend: "Yes, I've heard that too. But for that to work, the basic premise is that the owner shouldn't be ugly. So this guy fails by default."
"The greatest debate in life is whether to kill yourself or everyone else around you."
Me: "My friend told me that I should get beach shoes so that the pebbles don't hurt my feet. Did you know about beach shoes?"
"Yes. They're for pussies. Real men walk barefoot on pebbles. Are you a pussy or a real man?"
"The only thing I miss about Edinburgh is the time I spent playing all those games. Like Bullet Storm, what an instant mood booster! In Bullet Storm, when you kill someone by shooting them in the ass, a congratulatory message pops up saying 'Rear Entry'."
More bald jokes:
"I really don't get his obsession with braids. I honestly think he looks gay in his braids."
"But they make him happy. Unlike you. Why you be so grumpy? Want me to braid your hair too? Oh wait, you don't have any."
Morer bald jokes:
"Aww don't be sad. What you need is some alcohol. And when you get drunk and start puking, I'll hold your hair back for you. Oh wait..."
"...you don't have any."
"Did you see the size of the lobster those people at the other table ordered?"
"Yes. That's the most expensive dish on the menu. We have a saying here - Where does the lobster hide it's dick?"
"In the bill."
"I don't get it."
"Because you know..." (insert weird hand gestures)
"I still...do I even want to know?"
"Oh, come on! Because you get raped in the ass when the bill arrives. Get it?"
"Didn't need to hear that."
"Aww Mitsos! This fat cat's name is Mitsos and he belongs to the cafe."
"Seriously? Who even names their cat Meat Sauce?"
"What's wrong with the name Mitsos? It's a very common Greek name. It's short for Dimitris."
"I don't know, dude. Meat Sauce just sounds so wrong."
This is 'Meat Sauce' Mitsos by the way:
And this is the guy who just wouldn't get why it was weird to name your pet "Meat Sauce":
(apologies for the poor image quality)
And finally, what The Bromance's mother said to him over dinner last night:
"Why won't you accept me on Facebook? What wrong did I ever do to you? Wait till your child refuses to accept YOU on Facebook. Then you'll learn."
Modern family dinner conversations or WHAT?
And just like that, we have reached the end of a very relaxing and fabulous holiday. 12 days ago, The Bromance got a panic attack when he realised that only 12 days of clear sunny skies, calm blue waters and jacket-less weather were left for us. "ONLY 12 DAYS LEFT?", he exclaimed. And now, it's time to go home. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't miss Edinburgh. I've been weirdly longing to go back to my city. I missed my cozy bed, my wonderful shower and just the feeling of being home. I will sure as hell miss all the breezy outfits I got to wear in sunny, non-humid Greece. But, home beckons. And so does laundry. Loads and loads of laundry. Is it crazy that I'm actually looking forward to doing my own laundry in my own house? ;)
But anyway, the next time you hear from me, I'll be all layered up and getting ready for fall in Edinburgh. Until then, goodbyeeee!