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April Braindump (2018)

My life has been swallowed in a chaotic frenzy since the last time you heard from me which was, I wanna say, ten days ago? It's been quite the rollercoaster and I'm not entirely sure if I've had the chance to take a step back and process everything. I've felt a whole range of emotions these past ten days starting from utter hopelessness and desperation to relief and inexplicable elation. All in ten days and all one after the other.

But the one thing I have been keenly paying attention to and learning from is timing. I know, I just came in here and shared the fact that I can't even remember how many days it's been since I last wrote a blog post but trust me, that very same brain of mine can chronologically list all the events that took place in my life starting from April 11. It's weird. And the perfect timing of all those events is what I find most baffling.

The following paragraph(s) will seem out of context, but trust me, it will all make sense and we will hug at the end. Or at least that's the hope.

This is the first time in my life that I have been playing around with the idea (and realisation?) that maybe, just maybe, there's a grand plan for us all and that we're just performers reading our scripts and playing our parts. Not entirely though, as a lot of it has to do with the choices we make and the opportunities we are presented with. But on a much grander scale of things, everything does appear to be..."flowing", if you know what I mean.

When I recently shared this realisation with my profoundly (and enragingly) cynical husband, I was not at all surprised by the lecture that followed about humans fitting timelines to form perfect little narratives in their itty-bitty brains. Silly humans like me, that is, who have a long way to go before evolving to believe in nothing.

And you know what? Maybe he's right. Maybe I do force timelines and events to fit my narratives. I enjoy, no, I thrive on telling stories and a big key to story-telling is - I have now come to learn - having a clear timeline of events to refer back to. So to conclude this rather spiraling train of thought, I want to refer back to the very first paragraph of my last blog post. The one that I wrote without any idea about the drastic changes that were coming my way just a few days later:

When I look back at the rather short amount of time I have spent living on this planet, I realise that all the best things that ever came to me did so in the most unusual and unexpected of ways. But when they came, I immediately knew that they were going to stay and that they brought with them their own stories that I would cherish repeating for years to come. Shane happened to me like that. And so did this home.

And so did, I wanna say, this new...thing.

I would never want to be (or even pretend to be) a big ol' tease so I'll stop now and share more when I can. It might only be by the end of this month that you'll hear about it but I promise to come back and refer to this post when I do share the news. In the meantime, just to clarify, no, I'm not pregnant. Nor would I want to be any time soon as I'm neither emotionally nor financially mature enough to handle something of that magnitude. Now that that's off the table, I'm gonna stick a pin in this...thing...for the time being, yeah?

And while we're all here, I also want to address the fact that it didn't escape my notice that the April braindump is going up on May 3, and that the April Favourites and playlist never even made an appearance on the blog. Kindly bear with me, they're all on their way.

This weekend couldn't come soon enough.


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