We got back from our holiday 36 hours ago. In all that time, we finished three loads of laundry (how did we wear that many clothes in just one week?), almost finished unpacking, changed the sheets and towels, cleaned up the kitchen and the fridge and even binge watched a couple of episodes of Grace and Frankie Season 2. The one thing we didn't do was grocery shopping because a certain someone was too lazy to get out of the house and walk for 5 minutes to the nearest store. We could actually defrost and clean the fridge because THERE'S NOTHING IN IT! No bread, no eggs, no milk, no basic essential commodities for survival, NOTHING.

"Let's just order the groceries online.", he said.

And like a complete idiot, I agreed. The only glitch in the plan however was that the groceries arrive only TOMORROW so we're going to have to order three more meals before we can actually start cooking. And trust me, I'm sick of eating out. I'm craving some fried eggs with shell in it. I actually feel like getting into my tiny ass kitchen to whip something up. Except I can't because my genius of a husband has made it impossible for me to go out and get the stuff we need because "it's on it's way, will you just calm down and hakuna them tatas?".

Today started off with my waking up to a cold bed at 7:30 a.m because my furnace had walked off into the shower. Our day, which normally starts at 9 a.m, started at 8. It wasn't too bad waking up a little early, but I can't say I'm pleased. I had nothing to do, since my usual routine of sleep-walking into the kitchen had been disrupted. So we ordered a proper Scottish breakfast from a place we kind of love. I said "kind of" because by now, I think I might be getting a little bored of that place. By 8:30 am, they let us know that our order had been cancelled and I turned to The Husband and breathed fire from my nostrils. I should also mention here that the twitch is back and my upper left eyelid is going bonkers right now. But coming back to the point, all of the other places were "collection only" and no way in HELL were we getting out to collect food. He asked me if I wanted to get ready and leave with him so we could grab breakfast and I gave him "the look". So he shut up and instead, decided to leave for work early so that I could meet him for brunch. I was pleased with that plan so I made him some tea. We spent some time sipping on tea and having an existential debate before he left for work and I started mine. In fact, I'm still sipping on the same (albeit cold) tea while typing out this post. The thing is, the post I was originally typing out was all about our trip and what we did. But that's when the doorbell rang and I observed (through our intercom) the person standing outside my door with a food packet, for a solid minute before buzzing him in and accepting our breakfast order. I was still in shock and he was in a hurry so the dude left me standing dumbstruck in my pj's on our hallway after he delivered our breakfast THAT THEY SAID HAD BEEN CANCELLED. Are you telling me that I had to get off my unicorn that farts rainbows to wake up my inner dragon this morning for NOTHING?

I have two "The Biggest Breakfast"s sitting on my table, giving me innocent puppy eyes and begging to be consumed but I don't have my husband to share it with. I don't have the person who not only finishes everything on his plate, but also all of the leftovers on MY plate and I'm feeling incredibly sad and left out because of you, BREAKFAST PLACE!!!!

Is it normal to feel so pissed off about this? I must be hormonal right now because I AM LOSING MY SHIT over here. I mean, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? I just sent The Husband a bunch of messages in all-caps with a shit ton of exclamation points and that's never a good sign. I have been a loyal customer from the day we ordered those trashy Italian Connection burgers on my first day in Edinburgh but I'm never ordering food from you again, Just Eat. At least not until I'm hungry and desperate again. No, I'm going to be strong about this. So yeah, never again, Just Eat. This would have never happened with Deliveroo so you can SUCK IT.

*takes deep breaths*

You have now reached the end of a poorly edited, pissed off rant. Thank you for your patience.

Photo credit: ♔ Georgie R via Visual hunt / CC BY-ND

^That's the same meal that's sitting on my table. FML.