Unexpected food in the fridge: Because "Wow I totally forgot about the leftovers from last night that I can heat up and nibble at" is a wonderful thing to say to yourself when you enter the kitchen dreading the CHORE that is cooking.
Doing nothing: Imagine this. It's the weekend. You don't have to work, you have leftover food in the fridge, your laundry is done and the house is reasonably clean. The realisation that you can sit around doing NOTHING is what I'm talking about. As opposed to the times when as a kid, you tried to do SOMETHING or the other so that you wouldn't DIE of boredom. What is boredom? I don't know. I just want to sit around doing nothing, thank you very much.
Anything that comes in packs of three: The Husband recently ordered 2 sets of shower gels that came in packs of three. We now have six 200 ml bottles of shower gel sitting in our bathroom cabinets. "Because now I don't have to buy shower gel for a whole year", he said. And that just made a whole lot of sense to me. If you suck at adulting too, you know what we're talking about.
Anything under a fixed amount of money: Is awesome. It diminishes the whole guilt element when you're out of control and splurging on hand wash. Because who WOULDN'T buy hand wash in a special bubble gum edition? Especially when it costs less than 5 quid? Anything that costs less than 5 quid is safe to buy. Never mind that the whole bill came up to a whooping 70 quid. But my hand wash cost less than 5 quid, people.
Cancelled plans: "Oh you're not feeling too well? So we can't go out for dinner tonight as planned? You mean we don't have to socialise tonight? You mean I don't have to get out of my pj's at all? This is why you and I are friends. Take your time getting well. No pressure". True story.
Days on which you don't have to set the alarm: Especially if you forget that it's a holiday the next day and that you don't have to wake up early. "What? Tomorrow is a holiday? That means I don't have to go to bed early? That means I don't have to wake up at a given time tomorrow? I can go back to being carefree and happy again? Life is good.".
Tools that make mundane jobs easier: Like a food processor - no more fucking chopping boards and knives. Or a dishwasher - no more standing at the sink splashing your entire torso with soapy awfulness. Or an egg cracker/separator tool - no more fucking shells in your bullseye. Or a remote control app on the phone - no more straining your body across the couch to reach for the remote control because now you can operate the TV with your friggin phone. And your friggin phone is NEVER far from your body for some reason.
A loose pair of jeans: On days on which you suddenly need to leave the comfort of your home when you really don't want to get out of your PJ's. This handy loose pair of jeans will help you remain in your pj's while you wear them OVER your comfy clothes. Nobody complains about a person in an ordinary T-shirt and a pair of jeans. There! You're presentable enough to leave the house now.
NOT finding food in the fridge: Before you frantically scroll up to point number one so that you can say , "Ahaa! She's a paradox. She's crazy. She's lost it. She's refuting her own point from earlier. BLAH BLAH BLAH...", just bear with me while I elaborate. You walk into the kitchen, dreading the task of taking your ready-made frozen "Piri Piri Chicken" (that lacks flavour and spice) out of the fridge and dumping it onto a baking sheet before shoving it into an oven. But when you open your fridge, you realise that lo! you made the "Piri Piri Chicken" (that lacks flavour and spice) two days ago and now your fridge is empty. This calls for emergency measures a.k.a let's order takeaway tonight.
Collecting nectar points: Because knowing that the extra unhealthy chips that weren't on your grocery list are coming home for free because you earned enough nectar points from all the grocery shopping you've been doing, is one of the few guilt-free pleasures of this world.
On that note, here's a pic of the bubble gum hand wash that adults like me just HAVE to buy:
And who in their right minds can ever say no to 'Strawberry laces"? I mean, C'MON!
If you are an adult who sucks at adulting too, please let me know what else we can add to this List of Loserness.
You might want to read this now.