The Diaries of Gabby - Part 1

01 June, 2010.

My new year resolution for the year 2010 was that I'd write in my diary everyday. And since resolutions are meant to be broken, I have around seven entries in all (and it's been exactly six months since I made the resolution). I'm lazy. I agree. But this was a very crucial year of my life and now I can finally sit back and breathe. I feel happy, contented and at peace. A whole new chapter is about to begin and it's going to be awesome. I got accepted into Yonsei University, College of Medicine, I passed out of high school with awesome grades (made it into the top three!!!), started shopping for college stuff as I'll be moving away from home for the first time, and it's going to be a beautiful adventure. I can't wait! I have never lived anywhere but in Seoul and although the Uni is technically still in Seoul, I get to move out of my parents' apartment and explore a new place! I almost forgot to mention another reason why life is sooooooo good. This year, I closed a few chapters of my life for my own good and am getting to see some new ones open. The name of this new chapter is Brian Gang, my half-Irish, half-Korean friend who has lately been getting closer than a friend.

Breaking up with Vincent was hard, but surely one of the best decisions of my life. It was good for a while when we were still in high school but things got kinda weird after a point. It was like a fairy tale at first. The most popular guy in school dating the most popular girl. We'd been classmates for over a decade and it was cute when our friends made fun of us. Every other girl in school wanted to be his girlfriend but I'm the one he always liked. I never drooled over him or anything but it all felt very real. I mean, this may seem immature (and I know it was immature) but when we were together, I thought that we would get married some day. The notion was very appealing at the time. Anyway, the happy bubble burst a few weeks into dating him because love is not a bed of roses. Or was it life? Anyway, he started showing me his true colours and it wasn't pleasant. He started treating me like his "wife", controlling me all the time, telling me what to wear and whom I should and shouldn't talk to. He started getting jealous whenever I hung out with my guy friends. He apparently didn't "trust" them but it felt like it was me he didn't trust. Things got worse towards the end when we were faced with our final exit level exams. The stress of being with him was making it hard for me to concentrate on my lessons so I decided to end it. That didn't end well because he kept blackmailing me that he would flunk all his subjects because I broke his heart. I knew I wanted to get into a top med school and didn't want any bad luck following me around by being responsible for the mess he was about to make out of his future. So we got back together for a while. And soon after we were done with our exams, I was done with him too. It was a very difficult time for the both of us because all those dreams came crashing down but I knew that I deserved better. All our friends kept asking us to get back together because we were such a cute couple and a model couple for many of our juniors (it seems). Some people went to the extent of saying that if we didn't last, most others never stood a chance. These were the people who made the break-up more difficult than it should have been. The only saving grace was that there was no more school to go back to and no more people to face. Many people might actually believe that we're still together. As for the others, I won't see them ever again in my life, I guess. So I couldn't care less. I partly blame Vincent for all the mess, though. He made us look like a celebrity couple by giving us all kinds of hype on social media. He would post cute couple photos of us on Facebook without mentioning that we're dating but making it quite clear anyway. He'd do these weird things by commenting on my pics, acting immature all the time. It was "Vincent and Gabriela" everywhere! He's the reason we had such a public break-up and worst of all, last month, he updated his cover photo on Facebook and it said, "Yes I just had a very public break-up so please stop asking me about it. Thank you.". God! I enjoy some attention, of course. Because it's bound to follow me around. I was the most popular girl in my batch back in high school. I was involved in the music, dance and arts club activities, I was the representative of my club, I made speeches and performed at events, you know the drill. But he sometimes took it to the extent of immaturity. Well, guys are more immature than girls. And I'm glad I ended this thing we had going.

During this last month, I have been enjoying my vacation, just lazing around at home and doing nothing. It feels incredible because I worked my ass off during the past few months and now all that hard work has paid off. I can finally relax and I even have access to the internet now. My parents are very strict about my studies so they cut off the internet at home completely for a few months. Now I can go on Facebook and laze around and hang out with some friends (including Vincent, sometimes, but just as friends). Chatting on Facebook is always fun even if you just met the person you're chatting with, in person, a few hours ago. It's funny, really. And so, in the past month, I have been chatting with a lot of my Facebook friends including juniors and seniors from school. That's how I started talking to Brian. He was a year my senior in school and had been one of the most handsome guys in school. He wasn't popular or anything because he mostly kept to himself. But girls drooled over him for his good looks and for how smart he was. He was a computer genius and most teachers depended on him for assistance. Also, he was half-Irish with his family staying in both Belfast and Seoul. He was living with his grandparents as he had to complete school here. And everybody knew how wealthy his family was, owning businesses both in Seoul and abroad. All of those things in one guy!

He's currently doing his software engineering (I think....I just know he's incredibly good with computers so he's doing something related to computers) at the University of Bristol in the UK. I have a lot of respect for people who find a skill and work towards improving it. True ambition has to be recognized. Everyone should have a truly useful skill. Unlike the people who like to say that they have no idea what they want to do for a living. They are the ones who end up taking a course in Philosophy or Literature and do nothing productive at a later stage. Anyway, I started having these genuinely casual conversations with Brian and realized what a decent guy he really was. He's a true gentleman and respects everyone around him. He's just the opposite of Vincent and in the one month that I have been speaking to him, I think I have been falling for him. He's just about a year older than me but so mature! But I have certain reservations against dating a guy like him. I'm worried that my parents wouldn't be too happy with the match. And I'm never going to tell them either. They are extremely conservative because our family is very respectable in our society.

Both my parents are doctors and believe in education and empowerment. Everybody knows that and respects them for always doing the right thing. They brought us up by teaching us the value and importance of education. We knew from the time we were young that there would be at least one more doctor in the family, if not two. But my sister chose to become an engineer two years ago and is now going to one of the best engineering colleges in the country. I knew that I wanted to be a doctor from the time I was a child. It's such a noble and honorable profession! I knew how happy it would make my parents if I were to become a doctor too. And the prestige and glamour that comes with it is beyond compare. I truly believe that there's no other profession in the world that is as rewarding and respectable as that of a doctor. Anyway, it's not that my parents wouldn't approve of Brian. I'm sure they will. He has all the qualities they would look for in a groom for their daughter. He's skilled and professional, well-educated and comes from wealth. But since our family is so conservative, I'm not sure how they'd react to the fact that he's a foreigner. As it is, they frown upon the girls who try to date foreigners. Even if they were to agree, the rest of our family, the grandparents and aunts and uncles could create a fuss and I don't want my parents to deal with any of that on my behalf. And it's not like he's a complete foreigner. Technically, he's still half Korean so I guess they wouldn't mind.

I know my ramblings seem immature and as if I'm jumping the gun. But I have a very mature reason to think so far in advance. I have made a promise to myself that the next time I fall in love, it will only be with someone I would marry for certain. I will only get into a relationship if I'm certain that he is the one. After one mistake, I don't want to go through that kind of humiliation and public heart-break again. So obviously, there are a few things I will consider before that happens. In fact, I have a list. The right guy will:

  • Not be dominating and controlling.

  • Be sweet and loving.

  • Be modern.

  • Be able to get my parents' approval.

  • Be able to understand what it means to be married to a doctor.

  • Be supportive of my ambitions.

  • Be ambitious and successful himself.

I know that Brian fits into most of these categories but I need to get to know him well before jumping to any conclusions. Everything will work out for the best. I am sure. That's how it all works.

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