There's a thing most Mallus do where they first give someone a nickname that may or may not have anything to do with their original name, and then they suffix an s to that nickname. For example, "Ammu" is a very common nickname for girls in Kerala but most family members and friends tend to affectionately call all the Ammus in their lives "Ammus". Or "Ammuz" because didn't you know that z was way cooler than s? Similarly, Shane's entire family calls him "Munnu" but it's not uncommon to see someone refer to him as "Munnus" or "Munnuz".
When I was in college, one of my friends was dating a guy whose name started with "An". Something like Anoop or Anuj, I can't remember which. So she and his entire family called him "Anu", short for whatever his name was.
One day, when her phone started ringing, she asked me to pass it over to her. And I couldn't help but notice that on her screen were flashing the words, "Anus calling". Like a typical Mallu, she'd affectionately suffixed an s to his pre-existing nickname but surprisingly, it never crossed her mind that it may have been a bad idea to do that just in this case.
I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I woke up this morning giggling about "Anus calling" and wishing that Shane's nickname had been Anu instead of Munnu. Because while this girl got embarrassed the second I pointed it out (she even changed her boyfriend's name on her phone), I would have totally rocked an "Anus calling".
I have just one friend whose nickname is Anu and sweety if you're reading this, I just changed your name on my phone. Although, nothing compares to being able to pick up a call from your partner with "Anus calling" flashing on the screen. But you know what, my name starts with "An". I have the potential to be an 'Anus'. In fact, I'm going to change my contact information on Shane's phone today, and call him at work tomorrow while he's in a meeting. And since he's absent-minded and tends to not notice his phone, I'm going to keep calling till someone points out that 'Anus' is calling him. And if the person who points it out looks confused or mortified, I hope he clarifies that it's his wife calling, and she happens to be an asshole.
Today is going to be a good day.