The Never-Ending Cycle of Pissed-Off-ness

Perfectly explained by Sarah Andersen:

It's different for everybody. Some women experience severe cramps, some feel faint, some break out and others completely lose their shit. And yes, you guessed right. I, of course, fall into that last category there, with the events described under "3 Weeks" lasting for more than a week.

Mood swings run in the family. I'm related by blood to many men and women who're moody and love to over-think. And I have come this close to doing that to myself frequently. You can't see it but I'm making this gesture with my hands:

There! Instant selfie, just for you. Now you can see it.

But my point is, even on good days, it sometimes takes effort to control the urge to stay up all night fretting about something I cannot control, worrying about something someone said, planning murder revenge and finally, after much thought, deliberation, and mental-debate, deciding that I shall be the bigger person just this once. And by the time I'm done, it's already morning, and a new day awaits me with 10 more things that could potentially break my day (or night). I try my best to not do that to myself anymore and on most days, I'm very successful.

However, no matter how hard I try, there's that one time of the month when all I want is a shotgun so that I can shoot all those people who claim that PMS is just a myth. And believe me, I can (and will) find a whole brigade of women who will join me in my march towards PMS-trivialising-morons. Then again, this is how only some women experience it. I was never prone to cramps or pain or any other physical ailments around my period. One of my friends is prone to even fainting because of the pain. I, on the other hand, am only prone to locking myself in a room and crying about nothing in particular. Sometimes it's horrible. Sometimes I, myself, find it funny.

We had big plans for the weekend. Places to eat at, movies to watch, friends to socialise with, the whole shebang. And then, I woke up feeling like I was never going to get out of bed. So we put off socialising till yesterday, the last day of the weekend. And then again, I woke up. This time, the things I said were:

Move. MOVE! Stay away from me. Don't TOUCH me! Did I just feel your LEG brush against MY leg?

So The Husband slowly left the room to go take a shower while I screamed after him:

Fine. Walk away. Coward! I don't need you. I don't even want to look at you. I'm just going to lie here watching YouTube videos on DIY bullshit that I'm never going to do anyway.

Minutes after that, I walked into the bathroom without knocking and sat on the toilet, hugging my knees, because "We don't talk any more! Whatever happened to sharing and talking and loving and caring? You don't even talk to me any more! Did you just storm out of the room to avoid TALKING to me?"

So The Husband (bless him!) told me that he was just taking a shower so that he could go out and buy ingredients to make me a Spanish Omelette so that I feel better. Let's just say that that didn't end well:

But I'm going to be so alo-o-o-o-o-ne! Why would you leave me here all alone to go BUY st-u-u-u-u-f?

And then came the waterworks.

The rest of the day was spent refusing to meet up with real people because I was too happy with my imaginary people in the two books I finished reading over the weekend. I even earned two Audible badges for reading for more than 10 hours over the weekend.

I hated on The Bromance for refusing to bring me food from a place that does not deliver to my location but all that hate melted away when he told us how he was PMS-ing even harder than me and was curled up under the covers reading Harry Potter. The Husband looked at me and said, "And he doesn't even have anyone to hug him.". I sent him so many teary-eyed mental hugs for that!

But today, I look at all this and smile. Today, I feel better and even find myself capable of seeing the humour in everything that happened over the weekend. Today, I find myself feeling grateful for a partner who offered to make me Spanish Omelettes when I was being a bitch to him. And above all, I find myself feeling grateful for being able to smile about it today. There were times when I was genuinely sad. When I was curled up on the bed in my old hostel room, feeling frustrated with everything. Feeling really, really, genuinely, horribly sad. If I could cry yesterday and smile about it today, I know that things have definitely changed for the better. And I couldn't be more grateful for that.

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