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The Diaries of Neha - Part 1

I must have been four at the time. I feel that my memory of the incident is clouded at this stage. All I remember is Papa walking in with a woman I had never seen before, Mama losing her temper at the both of them, and me getting flung. Papa looked very obviously drunk and was shouting. Mama was soon in tears but kept fighting with him. There was a lot of shouting and screaming and suddenly, I was flung on to the couch. It happened out of nowhere. I was standing somewhere close to Papa and the next thing I knew was, I was flying. He just picked me up and tossed me. By the time I snapped out of my shock from getting flung like that, I heard the familiar loud bang of their bedroom door. Papa and the woman had disappeared. Mama was curled up on the floor and something told me that she had been pushed to the wall behind her. The last thing I remember is that I curled up beside her and fell asleep looking at all the blood and the small pink patterns on her white dress.

I feel that with time, my memory of the incident has been muddled somehow. Either by my parents or by something else. Out of nowhere, I came to believe that the strange woman was Papa's secretary. I don't know who told me that or how I got to that conclusion because we never discuss the incident in my house. It makes no sense to me now, because I can't figure out why any woman would ever be ready to degrade herself in front of a family. Especially in front of a small child. It just doesn't seem right. Some puzzle pieces are surely missing. That's what makes me think that she may have been paid for her services.

Another thing I learned later was that Mama was pregnant at the time. And I'm a single child. I don't have any siblings. I guess that explains all the blood. Fourteen years later, bits and pieces from that incident continue to confuse me. But they also continue to make more and more sense to me. At the end of the day, when we try to act like a normal family, I close my eyes and still see the small pink patterns on Mama's white dress.

I don't own a single piece of white or pink clothing in my wardrobe.


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