#boyfriendgoals

When things go wrong, I turn into a sloth. By that I mean that I don't move from a position that I choose for myself and display my anger at "the universe" by giving it "the silent treatment". And at the risk of sounding like a crazy lady, this is what I do:

  • Ignore hunger pangs - "Yes, I'm hungry. But I'm so mad at everything right now that I'm going to sit RIGHT HERE on the couch and never move. I'm going to starve myself so that you feel guilty for messing with my plan."

  • Avoid work - "Yes, I need to send in that e-mail today but I'm going to stay right here on my bed and pretend to be dead so that you feel bad about messing with my plans."

  • Binge watch crappy shows- "Yes, I hate this show but I'm going to watch it anyway so that you see what kind of torture I'm putting myself through after you decided to mess with my plan."

Now for the part where I might sound crazy. This "you" that I'm mad at does not even exist. I mean, I don't know if it/he/she does. I'm just mad at whatever force caused a delay in my plan. And my way of dealing with this sense of betrayal is by turning into a sloth and never moving from the couch, the chair, the bed or the toilet seat for hours and hours. Does anyone else do that?

For the past two days, I've been a sloth. There's been delay after delay in something that I just can't wait to be done with. Sometimes the frustration gets so bad that I slap my forehead with both hands the way The Husband did when he was applying for our tourist visa a few months ago. It's in times like these that I feel bad for having made fun of him but then I correct myself because he totally deserves to be made fun of. All the time. So in the past two days, all the time that I wasn't slapping myself was spent being stationary in one spot, dozing off every now and then (yes, even on the toilet seat). But the problem with being a sloth is that one does not shower since that would require actual effort - something that someone who's dramatically tired of life does not have the energy for. Hence, my friends, for the past two days, I haven't showered.

This morning before leaving for work, when The Husband hugged me goodbye he said, "Could you maybe take a shower today if that's okay....please?" and I looked at him in disbelief. I could not BELIEVE what he just said. Because if he'd been the one sitting around like a sloth, refusing to move from his spot while sporting a big itchy pimple on his forehead, I would have also asked him to go take a shower. The only difference would be that I wouldn't use the words "Could you" or "maybe" or "if that's okay" or "please". If he can be this polite to me even after realising that I was "that smell in the room", and that I was the stink-bomb that he shared a bed with, then surely, he must be a keeper. And THAT, dear girlfriends, is what you should mainly be looking for in a guy. *nods*

Off to take a shower now. Goodbyyyye!

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