"Hello? Are you open today?"
Why, YES we are open today. This weekend is special because there are stories to be told before Monday, what with tomorrow being Valentine's and all that. So, yes, do come in. We are open on a Saturday for once.
Now coming back to the story that is waiting to be told, I should tell you that if I were reading this 6 years ago on someone else's blog, I would have barfed my guts out. So here goes.
A few months ago, The Husband went a little crazy and kept repeating the line, "I'm a big fat boat in the Ooooocean" and neither of us knew where he'd heard it first or why on earth he kept repeating it. It was a mild disturbance at first which later turned into a major annoyance. However, with time, I learned to make my peace with it. In fact I took things to the next level and helped him make an entire rhyme out of it. The rhyme describes this big fat boat which (if you haven't guessed already) is a "fitting" metaphor for The Husband. So here's the rhyme we wrote, which we fully intend to teach our poor, unfortunate future offspring:
I'm a big fat boat in the Oooocean.
I don't like brushing my teeth,
I don't like cooking to eat.
I never take out the trash,
I always run out of cash.
I don't like eating veggies,
I only wear one pair of jeans.
'Cos I'm a big fat boat in the Ooocean.
It's by far the lamest thing you will ever hear this week (why YES, of course we recorded it!). And throwing all caution and shame to the wind, let me present to you our very first attempt at recording the rhyme from memory on 14 November, 2015:
And don't get me wrong, we COULDN'T have possibly done any better. We SUCK and we're proud of it. And obviously we never tried to record it a second time because this was exactly how we envisioned it. Undeniably boring and lame. Thank you very much!
Because WHAT boat? HOW is the boat Shane? Why a BOAT? How does that metaphor fit? etc could be some of the questions you have in mind. Our collective answer to all of your questions - "Dunno and dun care." followed by Shrug and Meh. But let me assure you, our kids are definitely learning this rhyme first. Because who even cares about twinkle twinkle little star when you have a boat rhyme about your own dad, written and recorded by your own parents? Those kids are going to be the "coolest" kids of the century. I can't lie, I worry for them sometimes. I really do.
Anyway, we decided to exchange gifts today instead of tomorrow because WHY NOT?
And here's what he got me:
This gift blew my mind to the extent that you can find pieces of my brain peeling off of the walls and the ceiling at 22 Nelson Street. There has never been a more meaningful gift in all these years of my life. This is a moment in the history of our relationship that needs to be recorded. Because it doesn't get lamer than this. It can't. And by God, if THIS mug doesn't tell him how much I intend to reciprocate his love for me, I don't know what will:
What is worse, the fact that we write rhymes together and record them or that we both got each other mugs on Valentine's? Or that I thought placing a red scented candle next to BOTH the mugs was a good idea?
<GAGS> Someone slap me now.
Recording that rhyme took me back to an age when I was dressed in a rabbit costume, singing a song about a carrot and BAM! I fell on the stage. All that stage fright came right back *cries*